


long enough to call it (courage)

by letusbebrave



Series: passed down like folk songs [3]
Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, basically 5k of soft fluff about coming out, i'm emotionally compromised by these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27250870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letusbebrave/pseuds/letusbebrave
Summary: “What if I’m not that brave?” Dani asks so quietly that Jamie can’t help but reach out to grab her hand.“The thing is, you are, unfortunately. But this has nothing to do with bravery, promise.”aka the time they go to iowa
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Edmund O'Mara, Dani Clayton/Jamie
Series: passed down like folk songs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984507
Comments: 21
Kudos: 378





	long enough to call it (courage)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a continuation of this verse because this got out of hand

Bringing Jamie back to her house, back to her hometown felt strange. Like a piece of puzzle trying to be squished into an old puzzle where it’d never fit easily. Her mom had been taking care of her house since she up and left to London, but she hadn’t necessarily let her know she’d be headed home. Dani just didn’t want the pressure that would happen with a homecoming. Especially not with her mom. And if her mom knew, she’d tell Judy and she absolutely couldn’t handle that. 

Instead, she hoped that nobody in the godforsaken town noticed that she had come back into town. 

By the time they arrived at the house, both of them were exhausted. The plane trip hadn’t been the smoothest and Dani had spent the first and last hour of the flight with her hand being squeezed ridiculously hard in Jamie’s lap. When Jamie had told her she had never been on a plane, she wrongly assumed that Jamie would take flying with grace like she did everything else. Instead, Dani ended up felling terrible for her. She was all nerves and motion sickness when they first took off and landed. The flight attendant had been kind and brought a puke bag and some seltzer to help calm Jamie’s stomach. 

The second flight went better. It was a quicker flight to Iowa and the turbulence was easier for Jamie to stomach. 

“I’m never going on a fucking plane again.” Jamie had said and it sent warm feelings flooding into Dani’s chest. Because she didn’t want Jamie going on a plane either. She wanted Jamie here with her wherever she was.

Her place was much bigger than Jamie’s flat. She’d been able to save up enough money working as a teacher to get the small house. Her mom had been watching over her place, mainly to make sure some kids didn’t come over and tag her house or break any windows. It looked the same that it had before, the trees and small patch of grass were overgrown and Dani wondered if Jamie would make note of her bad gardening skills. 

Luckily, Jamie didn’t say anything about it, still too tired from the long flight to do much other than help bring in luggage once the door was unlocked. 

One of the first things she saw when she got into the house was the small mirror above the fireplace that was still covered. She had forgotten that she had covered all the mirrors before she had left. Her house hadn’t felt safe back then, but now she felt neutral to it all. It was just a house, not a home. 

When she uncovered the mirror, she was afraid that she’d see Eddie staring back at her. That being back in her house, in this town, he’d come back to haunt her while she was happier than she had been for a long time. But instead, when she finally got the courage to look she just saw herself. It was just herself and the tension must have rolled so heavily off her shoulders that even Jamie asks her if she’s alright. 

That first night, all they do is sleep. Jamie offers to take the couch, but Dani just grabs her hand and pulls her into the bedroom. They’ve been sleeping in the same bed for over a week now. And Dani didn’t want to give that up. She sleeps so much better with Jamie next to her, chasing away the nightmares of the lady in the lake pulling her to the bottom of the pond at Bly.

It feels so domestic and  _ real  _ the way they had moved around each other before slipping under covers and falling asleep. 

* * *

Her phone wakes her up at 9 AM sharp the next morning and Jamie groans out loud before flipping the pillow over her head to try and block out the noise. Dani reaches over to the bedside table and picks it up. 

“Hello?” 

“You didn’t tell me you came back into town!” Her mother cried on the other end of the phone and Dani sunk back into bed. “Edith told me that they thought someone had broken into your place until they saw you!”

And the conversation goes on like that for another ten minutes with her mother bombarding her with questions. Jaime stays quiet on the other side of her. Her mother doesn’t take it well when she tells her that she isn’t staying for long. No more than one more night before they are off driving across the country. 

Somehow she finds herself agreeing to meet for lunch after her mother invites “her friend” Jamie as well. 

She doesn’t broach on that topic for long. She doesn’t know exactly what they are to each other, but it felt like a disservice to call them friends. Jamie wasn’t her friend, she was much more than that. 

“I can stick around here if you want to go alone,” Jamie offers once Dani has hung up with her mother. 

“No, no. You should come,” and Dani wants her to come, because she doesn’t know if she can stand being alone with her mother. She may cave too easily once she’s back in front of her. It had been easy to argue when she was across the ocean, but she was still a daughter that wanted to please the one parents she had left. 

What her mother hadn’t told her is that she called and invited Judy to the lunch. Seeing her was like a soccer punch to the chest. Her eyes grew wide and her breathing stopped for a moment in the car. It was like seeing another ghost of Eddie. “Dani, you alright?” Jamie asks from the passenger seat and Dani doesn’t even register the words. “Who is that?”

“It’s, umm. It’s his mom.” 

Why would her mother call Judy? She didn’t know if she could even breathe anymore. Her throat felt chocked up and her heart pound loudly against her chest. “Dani, look at me.” 

So she did, she tore her gaze off from Judy and her mother talking to look at Jamie. Sweet Jamie who looked so full of concern for her. “It’s alright, Poppins. We can leave.” 

And she wants to leave. She wants to put the car in reverse and leave this parking lot, just so she can run away from the two woman who were innocently talking ahead.

But. Eddie’s ghost hadn’t disappeared when she ran from it. It had only gone away once she had talked about it and faced it head on. So she shakes her head and tries to take deep breaths. “No, I just, I just needed a minute.”

Jamie looks at her and Dani wishes she could kiss her. Because there’s a comfort in having her here with her and there’s a comfort that comes when she presses her lips against Jamie’s. There’s a comfort that comes with Jamie’s hands against her body and Dani feels her gaze dropping to Jamie’s lips just by thinking about it. No, she can’t focus on that, she blushes before gently shaking her head back and forth and pinching her eyes shut. 

She can do this.

“Danielle!” Her mother calls out when they exit the car. Jamie stays back a few feet while Dani gets a hug from her mother. It’s a quick hug and she tries not to feel overwhelmed. 

“Hi Judy,” Dani says once she’s out of her mother’s hug and Judy’s hugs her. Judy’s hugs are better than her mothers, because she truly can feel the love in them. Her mother’s hugs feel more forced than anything else, but with Judy she had always felt the comfort of a mother who actually cared about her. 

“I’ve missed you so much, Danielle.” Judy says and she believes her. Judy had always had a big part in her life and in her heart. One of the things she had held onto for so long before she ended things with Eddie was that love. She felt more a part of his family than she had ever her own. After her dad died and her mother, well, was her mother, she had needed stability and Judy and Mike had provided that. 

Maybe it’s her being selfish, but she stays in the hug for a few moments longer than she should. “I’m so glad you’re come home.”

But it’s not anymore. Not her home. 

“Well, just for a little while.”

Dani remembers that Jamie has tagged along to the lunch and she blushes that she’s forgotten to introduce them all. “I’m sorry, this is.. This is my friend, Jamie. We met when I was at Bly. Jamie was the groundskeeper.” 

Jamie’s polite and offers a handshake to both of the woman. She’s quiet and Dani wishes she could know what was happening in her head. 

There’s movement and Dani lets herself be pulled along by her mother and Judy into the restaurant. It’s like she’s watching from above her body as they go through the motions of getting a table and making small talk. Jamie is off in the background, making herself smaller in the wake of the two woman who are taking up all of Dani’s attention.

“Your mother told me that you’re going on a road trip. Is that right? Right after coming back from London?” Judy asks once they’re seated at a booth with Jamie and Dani pressed together. And Dani can only focus on the rub of Jamie’s thigh against her own. 

“Yeah, well, I just. I’ve just,” Dani flusters, trying to figure out what to say. 

So Jamie saves her. “Well I’ve never been across the pond, so when Dani was coming back, thought I’d tag along.” 

“Across the pond, how charming is that?” Judy says and Dani knows that it is asking a lot for Jamie not to roll her eyes. 

“Danielle, you must tell us all about London and what’s the towns name that you au pair’d at?

“Bly.”

And they talk about Bly and Dani feels like she’s just going through the motions of what she thinks they want from her. She talks about the good about Bly, nothing about the scares and the lady in the lake. Nothing that would cause any alarm to be raised. It’s when Judy and her mother are talking to each other that Jamie asks “does everyone ‘round here call you Danielle?”

“Don’t call me that.” It’s harsher whisper response than she should do, but being here and hearing her full name fall off Jamie’s lips makes her entire body tense. Being Danielle seemed so hard, being Dani was easy. She liked hearing Jamie call her Dani or Poppins, which was her favorite, because it was meant just for her.

“Alright.” 

The thing about Jamie is Dani knows she’ll remember this conversation and not use her full name again. She wants to press a kiss of apology to her lips, but she doesn’t feel safe enough to do so. So instead, she tries to say all she needs to with a quick squeeze of her hand before she pulls her hand back away under the table.

The lunch isn’t as terrible as Dani had feared it would be. Well, until Eddie came up. 

“Eddie would have loved to go on a trip with you,” Judy had commented and Dani froze in the seat. They had talked about it before, but she had never truly wanted to go. Not because she didn’t want to drive to somewhere like New York, but because she didn’t want to drive there with  _ him _ . It was harder to pretend when they were alone. She didn’t have the excuses to not have him touch her or kiss her. In public, with their parents, it was easier because it was what she was supposed to do. What she should be doing. 

Dani had loved Eddie, but she should have loved him like  _ that _ . She had wished to feel only a semblence of what she felt with Jamie with him. 

“Oh, Danielle. I didn’t mean to bring him up to upset you. I know how hard it still is,” Judy says as her own eyes well up with tears. Because she thinks Dani still loves him and that’s why she had frozen. She wishes the tears in her own eyes were what Judy was expecting, but they weren’t. The tears were filled with shame at the notion that she had never said aloud. “He loved you so much. I just know that he’s with you always. He’s probably never left your side.”

Her heart thuds loudly in her chest and she knows Judy and her mom think its because she’s still heartbroken about Eddie. But it isn’t. She’s just scared, scared to think he could show up again in the mirror. That maybe him and the lady in the lake would come to get her. “No, it’s fine. umm, it’s fine,” she repeats and wipes away at tears that haven’t fallen yet.

This time it’s Jamie’s hand she feels wrap around her hand and squeezes. She leans into the squeeze and breathes. “It’s fine.” 

* * *

For all things, the lunch didn’t seem like a complete disaster according to Jamie’s standards. She hadn’t ate a meal with either of her parents in more than ten years. Anything must be better than that, she thought. 

She knows that Dani’s not out to her mother or anyone really. So it shouldn’t hurt when she’s introduced as just a friend, but there’s still a little sting. A sting that isn’t even mentionable to Dani because it comes with understanding. “You alright Poppins?” she asks once they’re back in the car and Dani’s sitting in the passenger seat. It’d be weird driving on the wrong side of the road, but she’d manage if it allowed Dani to take a minute to herself. 

Dani nods, but Jamie doesn’t believe her. “You can tell me about him, if you want.” 

Because he hangs above the both of them in this moment. His mother seemed nice, but didn’t know that they had broken up and Dani didn’t look like she was upset because of his death. No, she was scared. About what, Jamie was trying to figure it out. 

“He was my first friend here,” Dani starts and Jamie just listens as she puts the car into drive and drives away. “My  _ first _ friend. My best friend, really. And we grew up together. We graduated together, went to prom together, did, well, everything together.” 

Jamie didn’t grow up with that. She had her brothers and some friends, but after being tossed into the care system at 10, nobody really stuck around. 

“Eddie was a good guy. I just wasn’t--” Dani trails off and Jamie glances over to see her staring in the side mirror. Another moment passes and Jamie does what she does best.

“I get it, he wasn’t as pretty as me.” 

Dani laughs and Jamie loves the sound. “No, well yes, but.” She’s flustered and blushing and Jamie wants to reach over to pull her into a kiss. But she doesn’t know this town nor even this godforsaken country and she’s driving on the fucking wrong side of the road. It isn’t Bly where nobody had mind. “He didn’t know that I was…” she trails off again because saying the words seem so hard and difficult. 

“It shouldn’t matter,” Jamie says and she’s trying to relieve the tension in the air. 

“It matters to me!” And Jamie wasn’t expecting that. She turns her head again and Dani’s looking straight at her this time, with something that looks like hurt in her eyes.

“Alright, Poppins,” Jamie tries again. “I just was trying to say that being gay isn’t a bad thing, nor should it matter.”

“It’s easy for you to say since you don’t--”

And she can hear the words that would never be said, because Dani was too good to say the things that Jamie felt. She didn’t have a family to disappoint, or rather disappoint more than she already had. And Dani would probably never say the words that stuck in the back of Jamie’s mind like a sore thumb. 

“Jamie, I didn’t-- I wasn’t going--” Because Dani is too good that she’ll apologize for even her thoughts. Jamie’s full attention goes back to driving, her hands clenching the steering wheel turning her knuckles white.

“Just forget it; let's head back.”

* * *

“I’m sorry,” Dani says again once they’ve taken time apart after the car ride back to Dani’s house. Dani is good and is hard on herself, so no, Jamie’s not mad at her. Not at all. Because Dani didn’t say it and Dani wouldn’t have said it. If anything, she was hurt because it was  _ true _ . Her parents hadn’t cared about her, not really.

“I know,” Jamie says instead of wallowing in her own pity. “Come sit with me.” she asks patting a spot next to the bed where she had sliced out a piece so she can sit cris-cross on the soft duvet. She knows their time here is limited, but she’d like to not have her sort-of girlfriend upset any longer. “I don’t like being lied to. So tell me what’s really going on in that mind of yours, Poppin.” 

Dani sits and she brings this heaviness that weighs down on Jamie once Dani’s beside her. She’s holding something in and Jamie wants to help lift the burden off her chest.

“Did you ever?” The question doesn’t need to be finished for Jamie to know what Dani was asking. The tells are there like the way Dani’s question had tempered off with a little shake in her voice, the way she averts her gaze. Dani knows that Jamie has come out to people, it’s why she’s felt comfortable at Bly holding her hand and being pulled places for kisses. But Jamie hadn’t shared her personal story with coming out as a lesbian or as how it affected her. 

But she would. She would open this wound to show Dani that the damage done was minor in the overall picture of her life.

“Don’t talk to them. So no real need there.” Her dad was the only one she may have told, but there was still resentment there for a man who couldn’t get his shit together. “All I’ve got from them is the scar on my back.” 

Does it make her so bad that she hopes they remember what they did to her? 

To hope they live with some sick sense of fucking regret? 

They wouldn’t though, Jamie knew. Louise was off doing whatever the fuck it was she wanted. Dennis was still so stuck in the rut he had made himself. “I still talk to Mikey occasionally. He was young and got a good go at it with new mom and dad, didn’t really have a need for me tryin’ to take care of him. Haven’t seen him in ages. No need for a big sister that could’ve killed him.”

“Jamie,” Dani says in the tone and Jamie wishes she would just stop talking and fall into her embrace. The softness goes straight to her heart, but she’s trying to tell Dani something. 

And when Jamie shares, it feels like a gate is pulled open, things flooding out that she wasn’t even aware she needed to say. 

“Denny, he knows. After foster care ended, we both ended up in London. Thought maybe he’d changed, but no.” She had thought, or rather hoped that some time apart and being older he would have changed. That perhaps she could have some family left over after foster care and all the pervs she had to go through. “Still the same shit, just now with more ammunition against his sister. He adds on dyke to his vocabulary.” 

He had been the only one who ever made her cry about being gay. Because she still wanted her big brother to be what he had been for a few years, the good years before her mom left and her dad dug his head into the ground. Before he called her a slut and a whore to her face and behind her back. So she had cried at the words, not in fucking front of him, but that night she had cried, cried more than she had for years.

So she can’t give advice to Dani on how to come out to her family or if she wants to come out. No, all she has is the anger of her older brother and the knowledge that her parents didn’t care. “But I know that the people I’ve told, it wasn’t so bad.” 

At Bly, it didn’t seem to matter. Hannah nor Owen felt like a huge burden to come out to. They both were  _ good _ and kind. Hannah had said all the right words, words that did make her tears well up. And Owen? He had made some god-awful pun and they had laughed. It hadn’t been bad. Not with the right people. 

“And you get to decide if this is what you want. So if you want to come out, then you should. But if you don’t, fuck ‘em. Don’t have to come out. As long as I get to be along for the ride with you, I don’t mind.”

“What if I’m not that brave?” Dani asks so quietly that Jamie can’t help but reach out to grab her hand. 

“The thing is, you are, unfortunately. But this has nothing to do with bravery, promise.”

* * *

“Your brother would be lucky, you know.” 

Jamie doesn’t know if she’s prepared to talk more about her brothers, she’s laying in bed with Dani and her heart feels vulnerable after talking to Dani already. But regardless, she turns to face Dani. Their faces are close together and Jamie can feel the heat of Dani’s breaths out against her neck. 

She doesn’t know what to say to Dani’s statement, so instead of answering, she finds herself flushed and staring into Dani’s eyes for only a brief second because there’s so much love there and she doesn’t know if she deserves it. 

“Mikey, I’m sure he’s lucky to have you as a sister.”

She’s vulnerable and Dani’s kindness makes her well up in tears. She knows if she moves her eyes or blinks that tears will make their way out of her eyes. So she just stares at Dani’s lips and neck, not daring to meet her eyes.

Her heart feels left out on display and she’s letting Dani run her hands over it. Tender hands that aren’t patronizing or too intruding. Just Dani holding her heart and it makes her entire body feel warm. 

Jamie doesn’t think she can put what she’s feeling into words, she’s not a poet whos words could send the message for her. Instead, she reaches up and presses Dani until their mouths have met again. There isn’t a surging passion behind the kiss. No, it’s the feeling of coming home and safety. 

She doesn’t want to leave this place with Dani. And even with tears now falling down her face, she pays them no mind. Her hand is on Dani’s waist and Dani’s hand is on her face and that’s all that matters. “ _ Jamie _ ,” Dani says her name and Jamie positively swoons. Because the way Dani says her name sends shivers down her spine and tears down her face. It’s so soft and  _ kind _ . There’s so much said in saying just her name. She inches closer until her chest is pressed against Dani. 

The touches aren’t looking for more, just searching for the comfort that can only come from one another. 

And when the kisses end, Jamie doesn’t move away. No, she couldn’t. She tucks her face into Dani’s neck and just breathes. It’s Dani’s whos hands rub down her back and its Dani’s whos fingers gently tug through her own curled hair. “ _ Jamie _ .” 

She says it again and it may not be possible for Jamie to get any closer to Dani, but she pushes into her again, desperate for the comfort that came with Dani’s hands and face and voice. 

Dani’s hands are running across her skin and Jamie ponders if Dani feels this same comfort when she comforts her. She must, because Dani arches into the touch the same way she does. 

Its minutes later before either of them move or speak at all. Jamie’s perfectly content to stay snuggled in Dani’s neck. 

* * *

Maybe it’s because she can’t see Jamie’s face or maybe its because they’re tucked into each other desperately that she thinks she can break the silence with her other confession. The other thing she’s never told anyone, never even let herself  _ think _ about for more than the quickest moment before she buries it down. 

“I think I’m a bad person,” Dani confesses. Because Jamie is the person she wants to confess her sins to. She wants to give these moments to Jamie and share them together. She’s never said what she’s going to say aloud before. It scares her that she even thinks this way. “You’ll think I’m a bad person.”

“Poppins, you’re the opposite of a bad person.” Jamie’s body shifts, but her head doesn’t come out from Dani’s neck. “What’s wrong?”

“You’ll hate me.” 

And maybe Jamie would, because for all the tough girl attitude that she adorned, Jamie was  _ good. _ She wouldn’t want to be around anyone who had such terrible thoughts, even if they weren’t what she actually felt, not entirely. Instead of talking again, Jamie presses a kiss against her throat and she would laugh if she wasn’t so serious. 

“It-- It was a relief.” 

The shame draps over her as she lets that thought out in the world. When you speak a thought out, it becomes real. Because it had been. For as tragic and terrible sadness the accident caused, it also had been a relief. Because she didn’t have to explain to him why she had broken up with him. She didn’t have to tell his parents or her mom that they had broken up. And she felt relieved because it took the pressure off her shoulders of the  _ whys _ . 

Jamie doesn’t say anything and Dani pulls backwards, because she didn’t want Jamie to hate her, no she didn’t want that at all. 

Jamie’s hands pull her back and Dani tries not to cry at the comfort the action brings. 

She tries but she fails and cries in a big hiccup sort of way. 

“Shhh,” Jamie hushes as she grabs at Dani’s hair and pulls her closer. “You’re not a bad person.” And if the words were spoken by anyone else, Dani doesn’t know if she would have believed them. But Jamie says it so strong that she believes them. “You’re not, Poppins.” Jamie’s words tickle against her cheek as she’s pulled back to finally look at her.

Eyes stare back at her, slightly red, but there’s no hate. And a sigh of relief comes out of her that she didn’t expect. 

But she still cries and this time it’s Jamie who brings the comfort of touch. “Baby,” she whispers and Dani melts. “Shh, it’s okay.” 

The tears just seem to continue coming because maybe it’s the first time she’s let herself really feel what she’s been suppressing. She’s finally grieving over her  _ best _ friend who had died. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been in love with him, the pain still ached. And for the small amount she felt relief, she had felt more overwhelming sadness that it couldn’t even begin to compare. 

It may be hours before they pull apart from one another, Dani doesn’t no. All she knows is the darkness had been so inviting and  _ safe _ for possibly the first time ever. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Besides, I told you I like the bit where it’s you crying and not m’self.” 

And Dani laughs before kissing her.

* * *

“Think of all the trouble I could get up to here alone.” 

Of course that’s Jamie’s response to not being invited to breakfast with Judy. She hadn’t pushed or asked to be included, Dani was sure that she knew what she would be talking to her about, but she made it not a big deal. “Probably find some scandalous things about Dani Clayton. Enough to scandalize the town.”

“I’ll be back in an hour,” Dani clarified, not wanting Jamie to ruffle through  _ all _ her stuff. “Don’t get into any trouble.” 

“Promise, ma’am.” 

Dani doesn’t like leaving when Jamie makes her laugh like this. She wants to stay in this bubble of happiness and affection that they’ve started to build together. 

Judy’s already at the breakfast café when she arrives. “Hi, honey.” she greets her with a smile and a long hug. 

They sit at a quiet table near the back of the restaurant and Dani is grateful. She knows she wants to talk to Judy, but she doesn’t want to become the local gossip. “Where’s your friend? Jamie, was it?”

“She’s at my house. I wanted to talk to you.”

Judy just nods as she takes a sip from the coffee in front of them both. A coffee that Dani doesn’t even think she could stomach drinking now.

“Jamie’s not a friend,” Dani eventually comes out and says after she’s made enough small talk with her. “No, I mean she’s not  _ just _ a friend.” And her entire face is blushed in some embarrassment and some shock. Because she had never said such a thing aloud to anyone in her life  _ before _ . “We’re, well, um, we’re together.” 

She wishes she would lift up her eyes to meet Judy’s gaze, but she can’t. She can’t handle seeing what she could possibly be thinking. Her words were jumbled and messy, and she hopes that Judy understands what she was saying. Because saying  _ I’m gay _ didn’t seem possible. It was too much, too fast. But she could say she was with Jamie, because Jamie was the best thing in her life. 

She jumps back a bit when Judy’s hand reaches out and grabs hers from across the table. “Oh honey,” she says and Dani feels a tear falling down her face even though she had willed it to stop. “She seems nice.”

A relieved sigh comes out and she can’t help but laugh, not a full laugh, but a small laugh of acceptance and happiness. “She is.”

“I’m glad you told me,” Judy says and squeezes her hand. In this moment, now Dani looks up and can see only the understanding face of Judy. And maybe she shouldn’t have been so nervous after all, because Judy didn’t look at her with disgust or shame. “I can tell you’re happy, honey. And I never.. I never wanted you to be alone. You deserve to be with someone you like.”

“I do, I do like her a lot,” Dani confesses because now that Judy knows, she doesn’t have to hide how she’s feeling with anyone else. Since leaving Bly, she hasn’t been able to tell anyone that she’s happy because she’s with Jamie. At Bly, she would have talked to Hannah or even Owen, but here? In America? She didn’t have anyone to share in the excitement of a new relationship with. “I like her a lot.”

“I’m happy for you, Danielle.” She says, but Dani knows there’s a question that’s coming at the end of it. “Did Eddie, well did he know?”

No, she hadn’t gotten the courage to tell him. She hadn’t been brave enough. And maybe Eddie would have understood better if she had. Maybe he wouldn’t have gotten out of the car. But she didn’t want to think about the maybe’s. All she had was the life she was given, for as long as the lady in the lake doesn’t come for her. Because in this timeline, in this maybe, she’s found Jamie. And she’d go through anything to find Jamie. But she can’t say those words in front of Judy, she’s not ready. So she shakes her head instead. And Judy takes that and thankfully moves on. 

“If she makes you happy, that’s all I care about, honey.”

Judy gives her the biggest hug and she cries, just a few more tears as they part. Because she will miss Judy. She gives her another never-ending invitation to dinner for her and Jamie if they end back in town ever. It’s an invitation that she can see herself cashing in on. 

“How’d it go?” Jamie asks once she’s returned home and found Jamie lounging on her couch. 

“I told her, um, about us.” 

And then Jamie teases, “what about us?”

Dani rolls her eyes as she moves to go to the couch. “That we’re together.” And there is happiness lingering in the air between them. Because Dani’s finally come out to someone and it feel so wonderful and real. She feels real and seen for the first time in this town.

“She was, she was happy for me,” Dani finally adds and she can see Jamie take a sigh of relief, because she hadn’t had the positive interaction with a parent figure like Dani just had. But Jamie doesn’t seem to feel anything but joined happiness with Dani. Dani does her best not to apologize again for what Jamie has gone through. Jamie hadn’t lingered on it and Dani wouldn’t bring it up either. 

“And how do you feel, Poppins?” 

A moment passes before she answers. Because she feels the same feeling that she had before, just in an encompassing way that fills her heart with peace instead of shame.

“Relief.”

* * *

The rest of the morning goes by quicker than she imagined. 

“Ready to get going?” Jamie asks after they’ve loaded up their suitcases into the car and Dani’s just standing at the fireplace, looking at a picture of her and Eddie. She’s been stuck looking at this picture because it’s the first time she’s not wanted to cry looking at a picture of the two of them together. 

This time, she’s not running away from anything. This time she’s able to say goodbye to this place that had given her a lot of good memories. 

“I’m ready,” she says and she believes it.

**Author's Note:**

> comments feed me <3 also, I write what I want to be seen in the universe. coming out should be your choice and I can only hope that you get the reassurance you deserve ❤️


End file.
